Preview: Conan Exiles, Tale of the Nudist Hyena Slayer

Preview: Conan Exiles, Tale of the Nudist Hyena Slayer

I’m suffering, and it’s bright. So bright my eyes are having trouble adjusting to the sunlight that bathes the desolate landscape surrounding me. The only sensation besides painful throbbing in my arms are the binds around my wrists, pinning me to a crucifix. This is the punishment for swindling a baron, “combo-skipping” and fixing the gladiator matches to channel winnings where I chose. It’s the work of a struggling woman in an era unforgiving, unjust and hostile as ever, but the punishment is a slow, lonely death. By some miracle, I’m freed of my crucifixion, and the only compulsion I feel is to follow this ruined stone path. Archaic and magical it emerges from the sand like a drowning sailor struggling to stay afloat. As I walk the path, I am shown scenes of horror as voices crescendo incessantly, speaking of a legend apparently not yet written. And that’s the extent of the action! I played on a casual server, shocker.

Conan Exiles Screenshot (1)

So I wanted a survival experience in a PVE server that was light on the PVP and heavy on the solo survival gameplay. Making my way downtow- the stone pathway, I spot an oasis. It’s a fresh water lake surrounded by player-created structures. Now I’m all dolled up since someone put makeup on me before they hung me on the cross, and I’m sporting a linen wrap top with a loin cloth. I almost reach the water’s edge when I look to my right to see two homies sitting by a fire. They immediately get up and chase after me. I dive straight into the water and swim for my life as I hear the zip of their arrows cutting through the surface above me. They must not have invested much into their accuracy stat, cause they missed every shot, and this sexy quarry was free to make her home on the island in the middle of the lake. And build she did, plucking plants out down to the roots, cutting down 95% of the trees and hacking all the boulders into fist sized rocks. By the time I was done with the place, it looked like the Amazon Rainforest, except it wasn’t on fire. More slashing less burning I always say (I’ve never actually said that, save the rainforests please).

Conan Exiles Screenshot (3)

Only a fool would make a beach house in the middle of a lake surrounded by all the other players in the server, but how am I supposed to have peace and quiet on the mainland? What with the turtle gorillas and weird emus constantly attacking anything that moves. I left that life in the past, no hyenas or more hyenas and their hyena friends’ friend hyenas to constantly attempt to bust down the door to my beautiful bungalow, hyenas. This is thenegaverse island baby, we’re all cool all the time in this little slice of paradise. People play multiplayer survival games differently as you know, and the developers of Conan Exiles knows it too. The implementation of server divisions based on desired play style is a great system, even though people aren’t going to obey 70% of the time. It wasn’t that bad, I did meet a heavily armored dude who swam up to my cottage as I was cooking some steak out on the pier. I greeted him by rapidly crouching and standing, and he returned the courtesy (you have to hold CTRL+T to type, but CTRL also makes you crouch). This is the standard greeting in Conan Exiles, and may be dubbed the “tea-bag greeting” if my cool name ever catches on. I gave the other player some steaks, told him to take them before they went bad (my steaks are 100% organic and fresh, no preservatives). He happily accepted them with an “ok” over global text chat and ran off down the coast and into the water.

Conan Exiles Screenshot (2)

Conan Exiles has a ridiculous amount of craftables, and leveling up will unlock more and more recipes. This game has more recipes than my grandma, even she would be overwhelmed not knowing what to cook first. Your character gains experience from everything you do, so you gain levels and assign points to your stats such as strength, vitality, agility, etc. Then you get a handful of points to spend on unlocking recipes, and it’s only uphill from there. I couldn’t stop, I had to keep building and unlocking more things to build, just so I could have a cool house to walk around in. I’m about that quiet life, I play passively unless provoked and I typically try to assist other players in the server if they need help. Sometimes, I like a little PVP, but that can either be really exciting in a survival crafting game, or extremely frustrating. It’s a sad day when someone raids your home after you’ve spent hours of work building it from nothing, I heard such a tale of woe over global chat. Such is life in the online multiplayer world, it always comes down to survival of the fittest, or whoever has the most armor and can easily trash your thatch-roofed bungalow. Then you respawn and do it all over again.

Preview by @thenegaverse

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